Welcome to my (not so) Merry-Go-Round

“If you start cutting corners, you’re just going to end up going around in circles….”

And that circle will keep me trapped with my eating disorder and not enable me to BREAK FREE, break off, jump off or make it stop spinning.

BUT the problem is the circle, the bubble, the merry-go-round or whatever I see it as, seems so much safer than the two options I believe have;

1) To gain weight (and fight anorexia) 

2) To lose weight (and give in to anorexia)

A circle?  It has so many safety bonuses, for a start, at least it’s a circle, when I get to the start, the top or whatever, it is the same the next time around. I know what is coming and part of me is okay with that. It PROTECTS me from those two options. I don't want either. 

I know what's coming. I can prepare.

But there is still a bit of me that does know staying on this merry-go-round forever will make me dizzy.

I will run out of oxygen in this bubble.

I don't WANT that, I don't want this life -Sat here, scared to move. I don't LIKE being dizzy. I despise merry-go-rounds and the way they make me feel. 

I know it is not right, even if it is safe. It is hard to stop the ride, to stop the circling, even though I am well aware that it is really not solving anything staying on the ride. I am not going anywhere, I am not changing or fighting if I just sit here going dizzy.  

There are so many other rides I prefer, that I want to experience, if I could just find the courage to get off this one. 

The Concept of a Recovery Ninja

I suppose this is the complete flip side to the concept of pro-ana (support?) right?

A Recovery Ninja is the Buffy to the demon, the Batman to the Joker and any other good guy to the baddy analogy you'd like to insert here.

Let's get Ana Slaying!

After being so involved in such a destructive online world when I was in the depths of my eating disorder I become scared of talking openly about my ED online since entering recovery. Anxious about coming across triggering websites, meeting people who would enhance the feelings I still feel and about talking to people that I would then become competitive with over my ED.

I have been up and down and round and round, following people, blocking people, poking them, deleting them as friends. Always scared that one thing could trigger me, one thing could trap me in the same games I was hooked on playing before. There is so must pro-ana and thinspo on the internet, its everywhere. Pintrest, Tumblr, Facebook, Forums, Sites and Blogs, I am sometimes scared to read comments or click on pictures, just in case. The we have Twitter....

..I don't openly talk about my ED online anywhere other than here and on Twitter. I wasn't going to at all until one recovery rant started and that was that. As soon as I used the hashtag #recovery #eatingdisorder and #ana - I discovered a whole new world.

Initially I started following 'Tweeps' and allowed them to follow me, always scared of whether it was the right things to be doing. Whether it was constructive to my recovery or whether I was making a big mistake entering another 'ED' world on the WWW. I sometimes still worry...

But recently I have found so much love, support and inspiration from a group of Recovery Ninjas whom I trust, who I believe in and who inspire me to keep going in this battle. They are my Buffy. They help me fight my demons, whilst fighting their own. We all have bad days, we all have good days, we take hits and we do some serious fighting too.

Eating Disorders can make even the strongest of people feel vulnerable lonely and misunderstood. All the qualities that drew me and my illness in to the pro world, but funnily they are also the feelings I get sometimes in recovery and are the ones that are smashed by the Tweets of other people going through this too. The ninjas and warriors I talk to are fighters, they are winners and they are just down right amazing recovery advocates.

It's nice to have found a group of people that 'get it' and don't want to make me worse, aren't setting me up to compete and are there through the day (and night) to help me fight. I use Twitter to rant, cry, laugh and share my triumphs and affirmations and hope that I can help everyone else too. Tonight I was touched when some Ninjas said I was inspirational. Me? Inspirational?

My gosh, I certainly don't feel inspirational, I am just fighting as hard as I can, making mistakes, learning from them, not doing enjoy, worrying too much and struggling with life. But in all of this I have one goal that keeps me going. Freedom from Ana and the desire to keep going in the right direction.

We need to remember that everyone's personal Ed is different, everyone's recovery is different. We are all different, different ages, nationalities, personalities and different people. We have different ups and contrasting downs but one thing we do share is the desire to kick some serious ED ass. 


This is for you #RecoveryWarriors. You are amazing. 

Dearest Body...

Dearest Body,

I know we have never really gotten on have we? I have always given you such a hard time about the way you look on the outside and hated that you wouldn't change for me in an instant.

You have NEVER been good enough for me, never met my high standards and perfect criteria. I have wanted to trade you in so many times over the last 20 years.

I have always bitched about you, poked, prodded and grabbed you, called you names and demanded an upgrade to a better, more perfect, desired model.

But the thing I am sorry about now though is never acknowledging what a good job you were doing on the inside. You really were doing a good job of keeping me healthy weren't you? Despite me not always giving you the high quality nutrition you deserve.

In my efforts to transform you in to some sort of perfection I thought I'd be happy with, I have messed that up though haven't I?

You're obviously having a hard time coping at the moment, I can tell. But I am really, really sorry and I am trying my hardest to sort that out for us.

I promise I will try and begin to accept you for you. I will start to take better care of you, without taking advice from Ana. I hope one day we can be friends, I really do.

Love, S x

My Recovery Playlist

I am jumping on the Recovery Playlist bandwagon which other Recovery Warrior bloggers have spoken about in the last couple of days. (No Matter What My Size and ED Bites) I can't find one song, but a whole playlist of them...

Music has ALWAYS played a massive part in my life. Like many other people, we create a soundtrack to our lives, with music that defines times and places and brings back memories. Music that inspires and touches us.

Over the last week or so, I have randomly burst in to tears with my ipod playing through my 'Recovery' playlist in iTunes. I have also smiled, laughed and been sent into deep thought at some points.  The lyrics, the songs, the messages and my interpretation of them REALLY do help my recovery. Even if I do look slightly strange walking along crying sometimes...and even if some of the artists and songs aren't usually my style!

The Playlist (which keeps growing!)

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts
MGMT - Time to Pretend
MGMT - Kids
Arcade Fire - My Body is a Cage
Katy Perry - Firework
Lady Gaga - Hair
Lady Gaga - Born this Way
Demi Lovato - Skyscraper
Coldplay - Every Teardrop is a Waterfall
Coldplay - Fix You
John Lennon - Imagine
Adam Lambert - Whadda You Want From Me
The Killers - Human
Jessie J - Who's Laughing Now
Jessie J - Nobodys Perfect

Some of these were already my faves, some weren't, some remind me of times when I felt strong and others make me feel better about feeling weak....Whichever one they are, they are helping me right now!

Check them out.....

Yellow Eggs and Red Sauce

Sitting at breakfast this morning, E and K have scrambled egg on toast. The doorstep toast is warm and the butter is melting nicely, the eggs are scrambled perfectly and look like little egg clouds floating in the jug. The condiments are put in the centre of the breakfast bar, more butter, salt, pepper and tomato ketchup. 

Where's your red sauce? 

Tomato ketchup is delicious on scrambled egg (so I’m told!) as E drizzles the RED sauce on his breakfast; K adds salt to her eggs. “I WISH I could put RED sauce on my eggs, I could just eat that, I bet it’s really tasty” She says. So, on overhearing this, I ask “why don’t you then?” Pause. “Well its RED sauce on YELLOW egg isn’t it? If red and yellow go together I WON’T be able to eat it, I just COULDN'T!” Pause.

My Dad, E,  pushes and pushes for K to try adding RED sauce to YELLOW egg, trying to persuade her that it is (as she suspects) extremely tasty. “Go on, just put some on if you want it.” He suggests. Even sacrificing a slice of his own breakfast for the cause in an attempt for her to try the mixture. They both suspect that it would REALLY complete her breakfast. But it’s no good.  The yellow and red together thing is too much for her to handle. There is NOWAY, no matter HOW tasty it may be, or not matter how much she’d love to, that K will add RED sauce to YELLOW eggs.

This conversation was all too familiar to me. It’s usually me in the ‘Why CAN’T you JUST eat more of what you know will be tasty?” Why CAN’T I just eat more substantial meals, or have full-fat cheese or whole milk? Why can’t I have pasta two nights in a row or eat a slice of cake I’ve lovingly baked for everyone? It doesn’t even work when people sacrifice what I suspect is a yummy sweet, just so I could perhaps TRY it. Nope, it’s just too much sometimes.

It’s what it’s like for me. It’s not a choice, it’s not something I can ‘just do’ and in the same way that there is NOTHING physically stopping K putting tomato ketchup on her eggs, there is nothing PHYSICALLY stopping me eating more, stopping me eating high calorie foods, foods with a higher fat content. I have those foods there in front of me, ready and waiting.  I wish I could eat them, like K wishes she could put red sauce on yellow eggs, but it is a fear holding us back. It can seem irrational to those around us, that can’t understand WHY if you like the taste of something, if you WANT something that you CAN have, why don’t you just do it?  

It’s not even a case of not eating now, because I am eating and to me I am eating a lot. Almost five times more than in the grip of my anorexia, five times more calories, five times more food. I’m Five times BETTER than at my worst and better at battling the fears.  My calories are very nearly back to normal (okay, with the help of Fortisip) but I still can’t JUST EAT high-calorie foods, foods I have labelled ‘bad’ for most of my life and foods that I have fears around. I wish I could help people understand that I have this fear, this barrier, and this power stopping me with EVERY bite. 

The foods I have now re-introduced in to my diet were once dangled in front of me, teasing me, but I just couldn’t eat them. Every bite of food I now eat was once K’s red sauce and yellow yolk situation, each one I now eat required me to face my fear front on and put it in my mouth. Each food I still won’t touch is going to require me to be brave enough to just face it and eat it. Each time E and K see me eat something new, something on my ‘bad’ and ‘fear food’ list, they need to remember it’s like K facing her fear head on and adding the sauce to her breakfast, which today, she didn't. I was just too much. 

Too much to handle 

Yes, to other people my fears probably seem ‘irrational’ - food is, so I'm told, to be enjoyed. It's the same way I can’t understand why red sauce can’t be put on yellow egg yolks. 

When I attempted to explain this concept this morning I was greeted with ‘Yes, but, at least I am eating.” Au contraire, dearest K, you’re not. You are denying yourself the red sauce on your eggs, despite knowing it’ll be tasty. It maybe be on a different scale. But the concept is the same! Right? Well, apparently not.

But when K says she CAN’T put it on her eggs, despite really wanting to, I am able to apply my fears of gaining weight, of food and of fat and understand that when she says she CAN’T enjoy ketchup on eggs, she just CAN’T at that point in time. Not only that, she can’t explain WHY she can’t. And so she goes without something she KNOWS she would enjoy, and the eggs go without the sauce.

It’s exactly the same concept. Why can I see it and they can’t? 

Blame, Responsibility and Forgiveness

I re-read a post tonight from a fellow Recovery Warrior's blog - recovery, PJ style: blame, responsibility and forgiveness:

It sums up the way I feel too about blame and forgiveness. I spend a lot of time blaming myself for my eating disorder, I spend time blaming MYSELF for not recovering yet and I feel I always cause problems, I blame myself for that and I am constantly trying to make up for causing conflicts. I want people to FORGIVE me for things I do when I feel guilty and most of all I blame myself for the pain and upset I cause by not getting better and not being good enough at recovery. It's NOT productive and it's time I stopped blaming

These tips, points and sort of rules on Blame and Forgiveness are great for a lot of people recovering from and ED. They certainly work for me...I love it when someone else's writing/work/therapy has a positive influence on my own discoveries. So thank you....and here are her thoughts on Blame, Responsibility and Forgiveness

-Blame is of no use. It wastes time and energy and does not fix anything.
-It is possible for no-one to be to blame in a situation.
-Just because the other person is not to blame does not automatically make me to blame by default.
-Taking responsibility is a much more proactive and positive way to reframe my negative thoughts.
-I can be responsible for solving a problem without being to blame for causing it.
-If an altercation occurs which I am not to blame for, I still have the power of forgiveness.
-Forgiveness does not mean having to apologise or feel small.
-Forgiveness simply means letting go of blame.

But my favourite is...

I can still be responsible for my recovery, without being to blame for my illness.

Perfectionism = Control + Fear

I need to know that I wasn't perfect, I am not perfect, Recovery can't be perfect, Every day doesn't have to be perfect and nothing is pure or perfect...

The desire for perfectionism is a combination of my desire of control and my fear of what happens if the control is lost, or if I'll never be perfect.

Perfectionism can be destructive. Mine is.

Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make you a far happier and more productive person.

- David M. Burns-

POEM: You

There are experiences in life I witness, see or hear which stick with me and I can't shake them from my mind. This happened to me yesterday after my appointment at the clinic. As I walked away from my session with Miss. F, full of ideas to help in the battles with Ana I saw a girl.

A girl, who probably wasn't much older than me, although she looked 20 years older. She is an inpatient at the same clinic I am getting treated at and seeing her struggling to walk down the corridor has stuck with me. I can't shake the image of her from my head, nor can I stop thinking about how ill, frail and old she looked.

I wanted to stop, hug her, tell her it'd be okay, tell her she's worth more than that life. But I didn't. And I realised that I need to do the same to myself. I need to remind myself that this is the extent of Ana's games and when I try and convince myself 'I am nothing like her', I need to also remind myself that I am.

As I went to bed last night I took this with me and I wrote a poem about her to try and explain how it made me feel seeing her, especially at the start of a week where I need to turn around my recovery, psychically and psychologically after a tough week last week. This is for you.

You 

You looked so frail,

Your face so old,

To our destructive friend Ana,

Your soul you’ve sold.

It shocked me to see,

Your delicate frame,

But it’s easy to deny,

Our thoughts are the same.

You’re tight in the grasp,

Of the same evil bitch,

But, me, I’m freer,

With the chance to fix.

Your life she has taken,

The control is not yours,

But the damage, your pain,

Still happens indoors.

I caught a glimpse,

Of pain in your eye,

It’s not a life you’d have chosen,

And neither did I.

Your delicate frame,

Covered in a mountain of clothes,

This is not the perfect,

That you or I chose.

Your legs were so tiny,

And your arms weak and thin,

I’m intrigued to know,

What you feel within.

There is a pain that links us,

We saw at a glance,

You looked at me softly,

And saw Ana’s dance.

I don’t want to become,

The girl that I saw,

I know life is worth living,

And I am worth more.

As you struggled towards me,

The look that you gave,

Your eyes were so empty,

Your body, A slave.

The sight of your legs,

The skin on your face,

Tells a tragic story,

Of Ana’s embrace.

Your life seemed shattered,

And your dreams ripped in two,

And I’m going to bed,

With nightmares of you.

I can’t erase this moment,

It’s stuck in my head,

It’s all I can think of,

As I lie in my bed.

Your fragile bones,

Clear for me to see,

The struggle you showed,

The look you gave me.

Seeing you suffer,

Has made me see,

If I don’t fight harder,

You will be me.

Journal Doodles

A thought to take forward to October...

I have pages in a section of my journal which I doodle statements, questions or random outbursts in. It helps me just get it out without doing a full entry and I often refer back to them to remind me of quotes or helpful comments, also, to remind myself when my thoughts are dysfunctional or 'Ana-driven'

Therapy Task: Write a Character Profile...

...after the first 'new' session with Mrs W. who is now leaving the food to the dietitian and is going to work on the psychological aspects of recovery with me. I got my first homework to work on.

Write a character review of myself in the third person as though I am a character in a play. It has to be from the point of view of a friend...

I really struggled to get going and will post my response soon - I didn't know a right or wrong way or how to do it - but that's the point isn't it? There are no right and wrongs!

How would YOU go about this?

My Recovery Commandments

Just because it's Sunday and there are certain things that I really need to pledge to myself if I am going to beat Ana. These are the things that I promise myself, they are the things I am so positive about when I am sat in the chair at clinic, and then fail to achieve on a daily basis.  These are my Recovery Commandments which I'm going to attempt to pledge and keep this week. I'm sure a lot of you feel this too.

1) I shall meet my daily calorie targets, not get 'close' and be content
2) I shall remember that 'restoring' weight is restoring health
3) 'Normal Eaters' eat when they're hungry. I need to as well
4) I shall make sure food choice are mine not 'Ana's'
5) I shall be honest about my intake, for better or worse.
6) I shall try and release some control every day
7) I shall not snap at people who are trying to help me recover
8) I shall remind myself what I am living and eating for. Life
9) I shall not time my meals, obsess about other choices or count when eating
10) I shall silence Ana when she speaks

If I can do ANY of these on a daily basis and maybe even ALL of them one day - I know I'll be a step closer to recovery and being free of my phobias, anxieties, OCDS & most of all free from Ana.

POETRY: Spotlight

This is a poem I wrote this Summer and wanted to share. It is my attempt at explaining how I have felt Ana in me for years and felt her presence for longer than many people think. It's theme of dance and stage is relevant to me and her desire for my spotlight, is her desire to control my life and my desire to win my life back....

Spotlight.

You thought you’d done it,

And pushed me off stage,
You thought you’d beaten me,
And locked this cage.

I know you’ve been there. Watching,
Waiting for my fall,
I’ve heard you sometimes,
Singing your tempting call.

Your idea of a perfect duet,
Lured me straight in,
You waited for my loneliness,
So your dance could begin.

You knew I’d always heard you,
Always. Such a long time ago,
Your rules were so familiar,
But I was happy with my solo.

You’re the girl I could hear,
Telling me I’m no good,
And the hands that embodied me,
What I shouldn’t eat, what I should.

I’ll give it to you though,
You’ve waited such a long time,
To push me off my stage,
And encapsulate what’s mine.

That’s what you do though,
You wait on the side,
You waited until I was quiet
And stepped in with pride.

My thoughts and your rules,
Take over control,
You’re constant abuse
Dents and damages my soul.

You knew I was unhappy
Dancing this stage on my own,
Your whispers became louder
And your seeds were sewn.

Despite your dance being clear,
I was a fool to believe,
The control was mine,
When you were so near.

Every mirror, every picture,
Every thought, every meal
You’d tell me it’s my fault,
And how I should feel.

As you came a little closer,
I accepted you in,
I welcomed your friendship,
And let your control begin.

You allowed me to rest,
And stop playing my game,
All the things I hated
But had stayed the same.

You showed me your dance,
And sang me your song,
It all looked so perfect,
I must have been wrong.

I felt so guilty,
For keeping you so long,
Waiting side of stage,
Quietly singing your song.

Your dance looked so perfect,
And your song so sweet,
Your rules, my obsessions
Your shoes on my feet.

Having you on stage,
Dancing my dance,
Your rules, your numbers,
Id given you a chance.

You shared my stage,
And followed my steps,
But you stole my light,
And forward you crept.

But enough is enough girl,
I am awakening again,
I can see your faults
And have felt your pain.

Your drugs are wearing off,
And your feet look sore,
I can see you’re struggling
Towards the stage door.

Your control is slipping,
And your time is up,
Your dance is becoming weaker
And the box office is shut.

It’s time for my solo,
My moment to shine,
So tie up your shoes, Ana,
This spotlight is mine

How do you define recovery?

For me recovery is both a journey and an end result, a destination where everything will make sense and I will love myself a bit more.

There have been times when I thought recovery was something different, when I thought recovery was admitting I felt a certain way, or adding a few calories to my daily total. I thought that meant I was recovered. At first I thought the goal posts for recovery changed, but those are little milestones along the journey of recovery. But to know what it’s like to be ‘recovered’ – well, I can’t wait to feel that, because most of my life has been consumed with thoughts, emotions or behaviours surrounding food and body image.

To truly be ‘recovered’ and free from my eating disorder will take time, I know this, but I dream of what this means most nights, and write about how it might feel most days.

Recovery will mean I don’t always need control. It will mean I don’t have to pretend I am more recovered than I am. Because I will be.

It will mean I’ll be able to let someone cook for me, buy me a meal, take me to a restaurant without me needing to choose the menu, the ingredients or time we eat. It will mean I’ll enjoy eating out social without shrinking in my seat when I can’t find something low calorie on the menu or when I can’t work out the calories in food someone has cooked for me. It will be the moment I can order a main off a menu and not two side salads. It will mean I will order a dessert I love and share it with my friends. It will mean truly being excited about birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and parties when normal eaters enjoy food, drinks and cake.

My life won’t revolve around food. I won’t let food consume my thoughts the way it does now. I won’t have to plan my meals, my calories, and my totals days in advance. I will make the choice to stay at a friend’s house, or go shopping at a certain time or have friends over when I want to, not because it fits in with what I planned for lunch or dinner. I won’t have to eat a different meal to my family or carry my ‘safe’ snacks with me. I won’t spend hours wandering around the supermarket, obsessed and scared of the food at the same time. I won’t spend hours picking up packets of food and reading the calories and putting them back down. I’ll be able to make a choice without even looking at the calorie content because I fancy eating something.  I’ll be able to work out when I am hungry and eat and when I am full and stop – I won’t have to stop when Ana tells me I’ve had too much. I won’t spend this much money on food I’m never going to eat, because I’ll be able to eat it without feeling guilty.

Guilt.  When I am recovered I won’t feel guilty for eating foods I love. I won’t feel guilty for craving my favourite foods. I won’t feel guilty for wanting another serving or an extra spoonful of pudding, because I’m hungry.  I won’t feel guilty for not hitting my daily calories, because I won’t count them that precisely. I won’t feel guilty for hitting them either, because Ana will be silenced.

I won’t have a hundred rituals surrounding food and I won’t play mental games every meal time. I won’t time my meals or worry that I am eating too fast or too slow. I won’t have to weigh my food or worry that I haven’t weighed it. Recovery will mean I am free from meal time maths. I’ll be free from adding calories in my head and from ‘researching’ calories whilst I am eating.  I won’t have to distract myself with reading or writing or counting to stop myself adding and I won’t need to keep every meal at the same calories and every snack lower than every meal.

I won’t fill myself up with diet coke, coffee and water to take away hunger or make myself wait for mealtimes my eating disorder wants. I won’t have to have the same ‘safe’ food over, over and over again. Or panic when it’s not available.

Emotionally, recovery will mean I am happy in my own skin. I’ll be able to accept my body and who I am. I won’t be paranoid about what people think of me. I won’t have to triple check that ‘I look okay’ or if something ‘makes me look fat’. I won’t constantly compare myself unfavourably to others. I won’t think I’m the fattest, most ugly or least successful. I won’t worry what people think of me, or how people see me. I won’t constantly worry about what I’ve done wrong, or what I have said, or that I’ve annoyed people. I won’t play situations that didn’t occur over and over in my head. I’ll be able to take a compliment from a boyfriend without thinking he’s lying to me and I will allow myself to feel beautiful when someone tells me they think that I am.

I will stop saying sorry for everything. Sorry. 

I won’t feel so up and down, I won’t be so irritable or snap at people when they haven’t got the food I like in, or they’ve prepared food ‘wrong’. I won’t get so upset about the smallest things or allow my mood to be altered by food and calories. When I am fully recovered I won’t have to make excuses for not going to events, or meeting friends or completing things, because I want will do those things regardless of food and eating. I won’t shy away from social events or spending time with people because of food. I will be the sociable, happy me. 

I’ll remember the things I loved and truly enjoy them again.  I will relax. 

Physically I will look and feel like myself again.  My face won’t look gaunt and my skin will glow. Full recovery will mean my hair will stop falling out and will be full of life and vitality again. I won’t have the daily tears when I brush my hair and it falls out and I won’t have to conceal spots or dark circles under my eyes. My body won’t hate me and I won’t hate my body. My skin will be nourished and plump and my veins won’t throb through my skin. My shoulders won’t be angular or bony and my spine will be protected. My hips, elbow and knees won’t look so skeletal.  I'll be when I don’t get pins and needles in my legs when I sit still or can relax in a bath without my spine and hips banging against the tub. And get out without wanting to pass out.

Recovery will defined when my body is functioning properly, my blood will be fully restored and my immune system will be restored too. My brain will function fully once again and my fitness will be restored. I will have muscular legs again, not bones and skin and I will love my toned figure. I will be able to exercise because I want to and I enjoy it, not because I feel I have to or to avoid feeling guilty when I don’t.  I’ll swim, run and cycle without working out the calories I’ve burnt. The calories won’t be my motivation.

I won’t look in the mirror and see, fat ugly or not good enough. I’ll look in the mirror and simply see myself for what I am. I won’t poke, prod and feel my stomach nor will I tell myself I am fat. I won’t pick clothes to hide my stomach, or feel uncomfortable in clothes that cling. I will wear clothes I love, that make me feel fantastic. When I have restored my weight and recovered I will be able to wear my favourite bras, jeans, dresses and top without them drowning me.  Recovery will be defined physically when I’m not constantly cold, when I can feel the sunlight on my skin and enjoy it.

Recovery will mean all these things are no longer part of my everyday life. Recovery will be full when I am fully living again and my mind is free from food. Recovery is not quick and it's a journey that has many milestones along the way....I am on my way.

Welcome...

This is a place to visit and dream of recovery, to help recovery and to believe that recovery from an eating disorder is possible. 

It's a space where you'll find inspirational quotes, amazing stories of courage and strength from those who have recovered and a place to share your own journey through recovery.

Dream, Recover, Live is a place which joins an ever growing community of inspirational blogs and websites which promote a healthy lifestyle, a healthy outlook and a healthy sense of self worth.

Recovery is possible. Dream it, then live it.