19 October 2011

Blame, Responsibility and Forgiveness

I re-read a post tonight from a fellow Recovery Warrior's blog - recovery, PJ style: blame, responsibility and forgiveness:

It sums up the way I feel too about blame and forgiveness. I spend a lot of time blaming myself for my eating disorder, I spend time blaming MYSELF for not recovering yet and I feel I always cause problems, I blame myself for that and I am constantly trying to make up for causing conflicts. I want people to FORGIVE me for things I do when I feel guilty and most of all I blame myself for the pain and upset I cause by not getting better and not being good enough at recovery. It's NOT productive and it's time I stopped blaming

These tips, points and sort of rules on Blame and Forgiveness are great for a lot of people recovering from and ED. They certainly work for me...I love it when someone else's writing/work/therapy has a positive influence on my own discoveries. So thank you....and here are her thoughts on BlameResponsibility and Forgiveness

-Blame is of no use. It wastes time and energy and does not fix anything.
-It is possible for no-one to be to blame in a situation.
-Just because the other person is not to blame does not automatically make me to blame by default.
-Taking responsibility is a much more proactive and positive way to reframe my negative thoughts.
-I can be responsible for solving a problem without being to blame for causing it.
-If an altercation occurs which I am not to blame for, I still have the power of forgiveness.
-Forgiveness does not mean having to apologise or feel small.
-Forgiveness simply means letting go of blame.

But my favourite is...

I can still be responsible for my recovery, without being to blame for my illness.


  1. Blame has been a big deal for me recently...something that I need to let go of a bit. I blame my mom and dad so heavily for my self-hatred that it leaves me bitter and angry all day long. Like you said, blame doesn't solve anything.

  2. thanks for sharing this ;) this is something i still struggle with and need to work on. such a hard (but POSSIBLE) thing to do.

    this gave me a lot to think about and some things to start working on ;)