Recovery feels more and more like I've got a big box of cosmetics to use when I need. Say you were to get a big spot before a date or a girls night out - make up helps, right?
You know you can cover it up with concealer - foundation and powder - add some lippy, blow a kiss, tada, good to go.
(Especially if a makeup artist has taught me apply to it correctly!)
It makes that damn blemish less red and that concealer has made those ghastly black eyes less noticeable. For now.
The imperfections are are pain, but they're no longer stopping me embracing bits of life, getting out three, I can cover it up and get on with things. For a while.
The imperfections are are pain, but they're no longer stopping me embracing bits of life, getting out three, I can cover it up and get on with things. For a while.
But I know the spot is there - even if I'm concealing it from the potential new boyfriend or the friends with perfect skin - but you can't keep make up on ALL the time.
Even if on the surface I look improved. Inside I know I will need to deal with that spot at some point, I will need to catch up on sleep and give my skin some serious TLC to make it go away.
I know how - exfoliate - spot cream - stop blocking my pores with the make up to cover it up.
They're learnt behaviours and techniques which enable me to cover up and control this problem and not miss out in bits of life, that without make up I would. Or it at least makes me a little more confident.
They're learnt behaviours and techniques which enable me to cover up and control this problem and not miss out in bits of life, that without make up I would. Or it at least makes me a little more confident.
But all the makeup in the world won't solve it, make it go.
Make up is a extremely handy tool for a short term cover up, a lift, a boost for a single night out or that fix for a blemish on a first date.
As are the learnt techniques or behaviours and known coping strategies in recovery. BUT what I must remember, like applying make up to clogged up skin, it's not resolving the problem underneath.
In some ways it's actually adding to it. Not helping it to heal.
Walking around in life, getting on with things, thinking all is okay when I can cope, manage and control anorexia isn't the solution.
But it's addictive to just cope, easier, but knowing what I am doing day to day to enable me cope with anorexia, eventually becomes part of the problem if I'm not careful.
Maybe it's time to take the make to off before it gets worse and do what I need to do to clear it all.
For good.
No comments :
Post a Comment