1 December 2011

The Concept of a Recovery Ninja

I suppose this is the complete flip side to the concept of pro-ana (support?) right?

A Recovery Ninja is the Buffy to the demon, the Batman to the Joker and any other good guy to the baddy analogy you'd like to insert here.

Let's get Ana Slaying!

After being so involved in such a destructive online world when I was in the depths of my eating disorder I become scared of talking openly about my ED online since entering recovery. Anxious about coming across triggering websites, meeting people who would enhance the feelings I still feel and about talking to people that I would then become competitive with over my ED.

I have been up and down and round and round, following people, blocking people, poking them, deleting them as friends. Always scared that one thing could trigger me, one thing could trap me in the same games I was hooked on playing before. There is so must pro-ana and thinspo on the internet, its everywhere. Pintrest, Tumblr, Facebook, Forums, Sites and Blogs, I am sometimes scared to read comments or click on pictures, just in case. The we have Twitter....

..I don't openly talk about my ED online anywhere other than here and on Twitter. I wasn't going to at all until one recovery rant started and that was that. As soon as I used the hashtag #recovery #eatingdisorder and #ana - I discovered a whole new world.

Initially I started following 'Tweeps' and allowed them to follow me, always scared of whether it was the right things to be doing. Whether it was constructive to my recovery or whether I was making a big mistake entering another 'ED' world on the WWW. I sometimes still worry...

But recently I have found so much love, support and inspiration from a group of Recovery Ninjas whom I trust, who I believe in and who inspire me to keep going in this battle. They are my Buffy. They help me fight my demons, whilst fighting their own. We all have bad days, we all have good days, we take hits and we do some serious fighting too.

Eating Disorders can make even the strongest of people feel vulnerable lonely and misunderstood. All the qualities that drew me and my illness in to the pro world, but funnily they are also the feelings I get sometimes in recovery and are the ones that are smashed by the Tweets of other people going through this too. The ninjas and warriors I talk to are fighters, they are winners and they are just down right amazing recovery advocates.

It's nice to have found a group of people that 'get it' and don't want to make me worse, aren't setting me up to compete and are there through the day (and night) to help me fight. I use Twitter to rant, cry, laugh and share my triumphs and affirmations and hope that I can help everyone else too. Tonight I was touched when some Ninjas said I was inspirational. Me? Inspirational?

My gosh, I certainly don't feel inspirational, I am just fighting as hard as I can, making mistakes, learning from them, not doing enjoy, worrying too much and struggling with life. But in all of this I have one goal that keeps me going. Freedom from Ana and the desire to keep going in the right direction.

We need to remember that everyone's personal Ed is different, everyone's recovery is different. We are all different, different ages, nationalities, personalities and different people. We have different ups and contrasting downs but one thing we do share is the desire to kick some serious ED ass. 

This is for you #RecoveryWarriors. You are amazing. 


  1. I too am so glad to have found people like you who understand and support each other yet. I don't feel like a recovery ninja yet, more like a 'recovery apprentice'. Someday, I hope to kick ED's ass. I'm glad I found you. Without people like you, I would feel so so alone.

  2. We are all Ninjas and learning day by day. I am just trying to keep fighting, that's all. So u ARE a ninja! We can keep kicking ass and keep fighting.

    I felt so alone and misunderstood and I still do - a lot of people around me don't get the ups and downs, the fears and the concept of Ana/Ed. We can understand and support each other POSITIVELY and with compassion and care and keep each other on the right path.

    It's amazing really huh?

  3. I seriously LOVE the concept if recovery ninjas!!!!! So much so that I printed off that picture and taped it on my mirror in my bedroom where I have other recovery affirmations and things. I am so glad that you have found people who can be of support to you and you a support to them (I know you are for me). And I understand your worries about getting into the competition and unhealthy groups with people - because unfortunantely, that is one of the ed's most powerful tools. It's so easy for us to get sucked into relationships with others who are struggling and feed off of each other. That's why it's important to always be cautious when meeting new people in recovery. But... not too cautious that you miss out on meeting amazing people who will support and love you.

    You are working so hard, and you have a good heart and I can tell you truly want to recover. And I know you will because your strength outshines the ed's strength!! It does! I hope you can see that.

  4. haha I love your attitude towards recovery. I used to feel very similarly to you and I hope to get that fighting attitude back, you're awesome :)