26 October 2011

Positively Guilty

This is my newest idea to help the Catch-22 situation I am facing in recovery at the moment. Again, inspired from Jenni Scaefers 'Life without Ed' book! Basically, it's all about POSITIVE GUILT.

I, like many other anorexics, have massive issues with 'guilt' and battling the should of/could of type thoughts. So basically this is about rewarding guilt when I feel GUILTY about recovering. 

I am focusing on the guilt I feel for leaving Ana, the guilt I feel for eating. Because they are POSITIVE guilts. Those guilty feelings for eating what I want are only guilty to Ana.

So every time I start to feel guilty about having 'junk' or 'bad' food, every time I get the guilt-trip from Ana about my calorie total - and then STILL have supper and every time I have guilty feelings about having chosen higher calories foods, when I could have restricted,  I get a heart. 

Those heart represent me building my health, strength and beating Ana. In recovery I a GOING to feel guilty for 'beteraying' Ana but these are positive guilts. 

I need as many hearts as I can get - and I need to finish they day feeling guilty about betraying Ana, instead of feeling guilty for betraying my health and for betraying recovery. I am aiming for AT LEAST a heart a day...

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