...Real or Not Real? Hungry or Not Hungry? Controlled or Free?
I don’t know if I am hungry or greedy, If I am right or wrong? Am I real or fake? Ill or well? I don’t know what I want.
I don’t know if I am strong or weak and I don’t even know what I feel. Do I
feel sick or ill or don’t I? It all feels so hard though.
As usual, I am scared about the
weigh in tomorrow; I just have this overwhelming feeling that I am going to
hate it. That I have messed up my week and it’s out of control. I don’t know what I feel, I don’t know what I have
done right or wrong, I don’t know if it’s easier or harder. I just don’t know.
I know that Ms F is going to ask me what I think
I just don’t know I just feel like I am trying hard, but like I am wasting
everyone’s time. I don’t know what’s up with me and I don’t have any answers. I
feel like I am eating because everyone tells me I have to. I don’t even know if
I enjoy it or not? Do I like food or not? Am I scared or not? Do I like baking
and cooking or do I despise it or am I obsessed with it? I feel like I am
eating for the sake of it but hating what it is doing to my body.
I hate the
lack of control, but love the increasing freedom at the same time. Am I scared of being in control in a way I have never been in control before?
I DESPISE THIS
CONFUSION.
I DESPISE THESE QUESTIONS.
I hate not knowing what is real and what is not real. I have no
answers or clarity. I hate it. And by the way....
Who made recovery so confusing?
