Why doesn't it FEEL better?

I was reminded by MrsW of an analogy of an abused wife or girlfriend leaving her partner this week and I need to CONSTANTLY think about this and not turn back...

She may leave her husband and escape the physical abuse, she’s in a safer place physically, but she doesn’t just automatically feel better. 

There's still the fear, nightmares, dread.

She may feel worse. She doesn’t have a house, a home, a partner, alone, scared, unsettled, unsure of the future and everything else. 

There’s regret for choosing an unknown path. 

She still believes what her abuser’s told her – she’s useless, pathetic, not good enough, undeserving. He tells her she'll not making it alone.

But she HAS made progress - She's STRONG for leaving. 

She is taking steps to a future, freedom. It’s not automatically going to FEEL that way, but it is happening.

And it’s same with anorexia.

I’ve chosen this path, I don’t know where it leads, recovery doesn’t feel better for a long time, my eating disorder is still convincing me I’m wrong, that I’m not worthy and a fraud, but it’s a step, it is progress.

 I’d be a fool to return to constant beatings and lies. Like she'd be a fool to return to him.