Anorexia isn’t just ill or recovered. It is a scale. A trapping spectrum.
Whether you are living with, managing and maintaining anorexia at a BMI* of 14 to keep you out of inpatient treatment, at 18 or at 20 with more subtle behaviours, you remain on that anorexic scale.
To achieve FULL RECOVERY you need to be OFF that varying scale all together. This is fact.
Therefore, I am not safe, free, recovered at all. I am on the scale and I want to get off it.
It's only ever anorexia telling me I am not ‘as anorexic’ as the person keeping their BMI lower than me. I'm not at risk.
It's only anorexia convincing me I'm not on the anorexic scale, because I have reduced my risks by restoring some weight and not displaying explicitly anorexic behaviours – by eating and not wanting to lose weight, but not wanting to gain either. But the cold hard truth is, I am still on that fucked up, ambivalent anorexic scale.
*All BMI numbers are random and not used as medically specific examples.