7 May 2012

....Confused, again!

IT IS JUST SO CONFUSING, all of it, why I am feeling something, why I don’t care other thoughts. I just don’t get any of it; really I am not sure I am MEANT to know how I feel? Is that my therapists job, to clear this mess up, figure it out? 


There are just TOO many thoughts to make sense of and I suppose it’s EXACTLY how NBDs confuse things MORE isn’t it? 

                      Picking and choosing when I listen and obey and when I listen, agree and disobey Ana. I just want it to make some sort of sense NOW. 

Why do I find something’s easier to do? 
Why do I want to eat things that make me hate myself?
Why don’t I just avoid them? 
Why does food make me hate myself anyway? 
Why do I enjoy these foods?
Do I enjoy these foods or THINK I enjoy them?
Am I obbsessed or excited about food?
Will this ease?
Why do I have to eat anyway? 
Why does good feel bad and bad feel good?

and Why do these thoughts spiral? Why does my weight have to go up at all, and why do I question everything? 

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