24 September 2011

POETRY: Spotlight

This is a poem I wrote this Summer and wanted to share. It is my attempt at explaining how I have felt Ana in me for years and felt her presence for longer than many people think. It's theme of dance and stage is relevant to me and her desire for my spotlight, is her desire to control my life and my desire to win my life back....


You thought you’d done it,
And pushed me off stage,
You thought you’d beaten me,
And locked this cage.

I know you’ve been there. Watching,
Waiting for my fall,
I’ve heard you sometimes,
Singing your tempting call.

Your idea of a perfect duet,
Lured me straight in,
You waited for my loneliness,
So your dance could begin.

You knew I’d always heard you,
Always. Such a long time ago,
Your rules were so familiar,
But I was happy with my solo.

You’re the girl I could hear,
Telling me I’m no good,
And the hands that embodied me,
What I shouldn’t eat, what I should.

I’ll give it to you though,
You’ve waited such a long time,
To push me off my stage,
And encapsulate what’s mine.

That’s what you do though,
You wait on the side,
You waited until I was quiet
And stepped in with pride.

My thoughts and your rules,
Take over control,
You’re constant abuse
Dents and damages my soul.

You knew I was unhappy
Dancing this stage on my own,
Your whispers became louder
And your seeds were sewn.

Despite your dance being clear,
I was a fool to believe,
The control was mine,
When you were so near.

Every mirror, every picture,
Every thought, every meal
You’d tell me it’s my fault,
And how I should feel.

As you came a little closer,
I accepted you in,
I welcomed your friendship,
And let your control begin.

You allowed me to rest,
And stop playing my game,
All the things I hated
But had stayed the same.

You showed me your dance,
And sang me your song,
It all looked so perfect,
I must have been wrong.

I felt so guilty,
For keeping you so long,
Waiting side of stage,
Quietly singing your song.

Your dance looked so perfect,
And your song so sweet,
Your rules, my obsessions
Your shoes on my feet.

Having you on stage,
Dancing my dance,
Your rules, your numbers,
Id given you a chance.

You shared my stage,
And followed my steps,
But you stole my light,
And forward you crept.

But enough is enough girl,
I am awakening again,
I can see your faults
And have felt your pain.

Your drugs are wearing off,
And your feet look sore,
I can see you’re struggling
Towards the stage door.

Your control is slipping,
And your time is up,
Your dance is becoming weaker
And the box office is shut.

It’s time for my solo,
My moment to shine,
So tie up your shoes, Ana,
This spotlight is mine

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