17 April 2012

Trying to NOT figure out my eating disorder...

It's not that I have ignored my blog, It's not that I have fallen for her games, It's not that I am in a bad place. I just feel a little differently about my recovery...

....for a while I have wondered WHY I haven't written as much, shared as much or had as many 'little affirmations' that I can clearly communicate in neat little packages.  

It's not that life is much better or much worse. It's not that I don't write, I am still journalling away over 10,000 words a week, but I suppose a) I haven't got my head around this layer of my recovery yet and b) I am not TRYING to pretend I understand. c) Not willing myself better, now. 

This is something MsF picked up on this week.

I am always so desperate to 'GET IT' to understand WHY I feel certain things, WHY I can challenge myself, WHY can I do something and then freak out about other stuff. But you know what I am realising...


I need more patience with my recovery journey and figure it out as it comes. I am not saying this is easy for me, I feel like I SHOULD know. But I am going to try and have more patience with myself. I need to lower my expectations of how quickly I should be recovering and accept that it will take longer than I thought.

As long as RECOVERY is the goal, as long as I TRUST myself and my team and as long as I stay on the right path....I'll get there, in one piece! 

So, apologies, but I am busy recovering a little bit slower, trying to NOT figure out my eating disorder. 

After all, slow and steady DID win the race, right?

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