16 November 2011

Feeling Hungry?

A recovery affirmation for a Wednesday afternoon from the depths of my journal...

"WHEN I RELAX ABOUT FOOD, WHEN IT FEELS EASIER TO EAT, WHEN I AM HUNGRY AND NOTICE IT IS NOT ME LOSING CONTROL….IT’S ME WINNING" 

AND MY GOD.... I need to remember this and never forget it.  I need to remember that it is okay to enjoy food and for it to be easier and less scary to eat.

That is a snippet of how people function WITHOUT Ana controlling them isn't it?  Yes, these moments are still very rare for me, but I continue to make myself feel bad and guilty about them when they happen anyway, so they feel like bad feelings and thoughts, not positive ones. This is me doing this. This is Ana twisting it. 

Ana has convinced me for so long that these are WEAK feelings, like being hungry.

Really, I know I should be embracing these new feelings, I should be glad I am starting to feel them and I should be AIMING to feel them all the time. Let's see how that goes shall we?

4 comments :

  1. I will be saying this to myself over and over...and over again. I need to believe this. Thank you for sharing it.

    -Emily

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  2. About a month ago when eating became really hard again (I actually really like food, so being like that is doubly hard - because I want to eat, but can't see to...) - it was a sudden thing and it made me long for the days when eating a potato didn't result in tears... but also how struggling through it would get me back there and so that was what I need(ed) to do.

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  3. i looooooove that quote! and you will get there! the more you fight for recovery and fight for yourself - the more often you will feel these moments of freedom from ana. and the more you will be able to break free little by little until you have reclaimed yourself. you deserve that ; )

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  4. Thank you for your support guys. Honestly, it always helps when you know people understand this. doesn't it? Keep strong. x

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