11 July 2015

When did recovery become a Quest?

I know, I know, don't compare yourself to others, don't look at other people's recovery and alter yours, or worse, falter or judge. But it's hard not to get riled when recovery bullshit is screaming you in the face. Or maybe the sight of quest bars and protein shakes is going to my head? 

First things first, I have no intention of changing my path because of someone else. I'd rather keep on moving in my own direction. I dont ever plan on eating a Quest bar either. But it doesn't mean what I see doesn't get on my nerves and play on my mind. 

You know, I think living and learning after anorexia can catapult life in all sorts of new direction, that's what's wonderful about recovery. You can end up finding yourself and living out the dreams you never knew you had. But embracing urges to travel, picking up new hobbies, making new friends etc. is one thing. Another is what's bugging me tonight.


Replacing a restrictive, controlled lifestyle with counted out and measured food and rigid exercise regimes isn't really the balance meant for recovery is it? Swapping days crying on a hospital ward at how worthless your life is, with twice daily trips to a gym isn't normal. If normal exists right?

Anyway, my continuing journey back to the sporty Sarah I once was conitues, part of me that went missing for three years, so I could relearn how to claim the enjoyment back - and I am. Thank god. I abused exercise, punished myself with it. Messed up and then missed it. I'm on track now though. But does that make me want to eat fucking quest bars or load on protes or go for girl gains (whatever the fuck they are?!) - No. Not one bit. I am very aware the fitness industry can suck vulnerable people trying to fix their bodies in just like eating disorders. That's the trap I can see others falling into, and it's blindingly obvious to see. Fine, just don't pretend you don't like the control.

I started this post saying I shouldn't judge. But I am I guess. But you know what. It's something that plays on my mind a lot, and yes, I still compare myself to people, in recovery and life. But if there's one thing you take from reading this, take this. If people posting their protein shake, post-workout meals or ridiculous training plans, you're not alone in getting fucked off. I do to.

My advice if their new fitness model life triggers you? Recover and run to your own beat. Have fun, be with friends, not the treadmill and soak up the sun and laugh inside as they count macros instead of calories. After all, there's an eating disorder called ortherexia isn't there. I don't plan on another diagnosis, but others are heading there. 

No comments :

Post a Comment