POEM: The Longer This Goes On

A poem I wrote to remind me of the importance of ignoring the last little bits of Ana's games. How detrimental these little games can be and how they get under my skin.

I need to keep fighting. I need to keep snitching on her to my EDU team and those NBDs need to get switched to VBDs...every time.

The Longer It Goes On

The longer it goes on,

The harder it gets,

The longer I stall,

The less I forget.

The fuller I feel,

And the less I weigh,

The harder it gets,

To keep her away.

The more I hold on,

And the longer I stall,

The harder it gets,

And harder I’ll fall.

I don’t want to listen,

And I don’t want to care,

But whenever I try,

I still feel her there.

There when I think,

There when I talk,

There on the scales

And there when I walk.

She’s there when I try,

And there when I don’t

There when I eat

And there when I won’t.

I take steps away,

I run, jump and hide,

I block out her voice

But she’s hiding inside.

Waiting to grab me,

Waiting for control,

Stood there judging me,

Waiting for my soul.

I’m speaking my truth

And exposing her rules,

I’m trying to fight

And using the tools.

The tools I have,

And the strength I can find

To get back my body

And retrieve my mind. 

(c) S. Robertson 2011