30 September 2011

Confessions from Ana #1

"I loved that you found a pro-ana site that hooked you in. It made my job that little bit easier."

love Ana x

Explanation from me:

This confessional moment is a big step for me. Since being in recovery I have almost felt 'guilty' (common guilt about everything again!) about how I still feel weak for getting absolutely hooked on a pro-ana forum.

In fact, I feel guilty for ever being considered the once holy accolade of 'thinspo' and for posting my food diaries, my tips and my pictures of my body wasting away...

I have saved my diaries from this time of my life - all of them. My forum journals and my pictures, my goals, my food diaries and when I am strong enough I will edit them and publish to illustrate the changes anorexia caused in my personality.

Despite this, I still have pangs of Guilt for being anti-pro-ana - like I am a fraud for hating the sites much - when I adored it so much, for so long. I have mixed feelings about the girls I know are still trapped there. I want them to escape....

I used to think I'd never get 'addicted' to anything like that. But it proves how Ana can change you, how she can make you weak and alter your ability to
make rational and informed decisions.

I need to join in and help raise awareness of these sites. The pro-ana twitters, the advocates of Ana. If they got me... I dread to think how they could destroy others lives.

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